Thursday, March 31, 2005

On History

I never meant to find solace in the dark sweaty bathroom stalls of best forgotten alleyway bars. I never meant to be that girl. I never should have put my faith in the dark crook of his arm as it rested around my frame. I slammed myself up against the rock of him so many times, that I stopped questioning where the bruises were coming from and I was content to stumble around in my haze of what I believed was real, so damaged and broken.

It was night, as it always seemed to be during that period of my life. I never saw the sun unless it was peeking up over the horizon telling most people that it was time to wake up, telling me it was time to buy wine. We sat outside, smoking the last of the pack of cigarettes and giving each other constant updates on the time in disbelief. Everyone else had fizzled off to sleep, make love, drive home; and the two of us sat like warriors in the army of the fucked up night children, rehashing old complaints against each other and trying to forgive. I thought I had. Until one well intentioned lie came spewing out of your mouth and I tried to believe it. Tried to make it true.

But it never was the truth, anymore than the things I said to you. And still this history of you and I, will come back to haunt me over the most bitter cup of coffee.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

A GREAT ARTICLE ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVES!

Not-So-Local Spotlight - Canvas
by Cassie King



"Remember the name - Canvas. They are headed your way planet earth."
This is a quote posted on an Austin music website.
But, who is Canvas and why remember them?
Most bands come and go. After years of work, many bands either fizzle out of existence or catch a big break and sign with a large record company. The band Canvas has done neither. They keep playing for the love of music.
Joseph King started the band Canvas while attending Stanford University in 1995. With a Theology degree from Stanford under his belt and numerous songs and poems in his notebooks, King decided to uproot the band and move to Austin in 1999.
This is where King made the choice to dedicate his life to his music.
"It's in the stars," King said. "I'm in it [music] for life."
After rebuilding and reinventing the band for five years, Canvas is now made up of four members: King on vocals, Julian Mandrake on guitar, Scott Thomas on drums and Brad Byrum on bass and vocals. King is the only original member.
Over the years Canvas has played throughout Texas, attracting a variety of fans and creating a large eclectic following.
Canvas has built a huge fan base in West Texas and it all started through the Los Carnales Motorcycle Club (LCMC). The LCMC has been around since the 1970s and its members are all active or retired law enforcement officers.
"They're just a bunch of scary looking dudes with leather jackets and Harleys," King laughed, "but they treat us like family."
Kevin Porter, a DJ for KQRX in Odessa and Midland, has seen Canvas 29 times. Porter said that Canvas must give credit to the LCMC, but Porter tends to work his magic on the radio as well.
"I talk a lot about them on the radio station," said Porter. "I play them outside the play list, which I am not supposed to do, but I do anyway."
Though it may seem like bikers are what make up the faces in the crowd at Canvas concerts, don't be fooled. The fan base is truly diverse.
Jean Gill, a junior at the University of Texas, Austin, has been seeing Canvas play since high school.
"I not only love the rare music, I love the rare crowd," Gill said. "I can look around at any show and see fraternity and sorority kids, guys with Mohawks and eye-liner, and even grandparents."
Most fans say they like Canvas because of their unique sound and originality. Though they are labeled as a rock band, their music is far from stereotypical rock music. Poetic lyrics, mystical rhythms and musical passion have embedded Canvas into many people's ears.
Sebastian Danino, a junior at SMU, saw Canvas for the first time three years ago in Dallas and fell in love with the sound.
"It's so different from anything main stream," said Danino. "The lyrics give you goose bumps."
Tara Gladstone, a sophomore at SMU, couldn't get over how impressed she was after seeing Canvas for the first time last year.
"The authenticity of the melodies and the impact of the lyrics is inexplicable," Gladstone said.
If the sound of Canvas is so captivating, then why haven't they gotten the same amount of attention as other uprising bands?
Lead guitarist, Mandrake, said that Canvas has always written music that feels good, rather than writing music for the masses.
"It's not like we sit around and say, 'Hey lets write stuff for the radio,'" Mandrake explained, "We've never done that."
The lyrics and music of Canvas, written by King, all come from real life experiences. The following lyrics are from the song, "Priscilla is Sleeping." King wrote this song about his little sister and the turmoil that she has faced from family tragedies.
She sleeps inside a paper cup
With all the days she's given up
Her memories painted white
Beneath the cold fluorescent light
She is sleeping
"We don't write novelty songs," King said. "They're real."
Chad Pavlovich, tour manager for Canvas, has been working for the band for five years. Pavlovich said that one thing that is so incredible about the band is that they all work together and create everything on their own.
"There is no one behind the scenes pulling strings," Pavlovich said. "Each member is knowledgeable in different areas so they have what it takes to get it done."
Thomas helps with the recording process, Mandrake is a seasoned musicians with many contacts, Byrum is skilled in computer graphics and helped create the Canvas website, and King has people skills and spends a lot of time booking shows for Canvas. King believes this broad range of aptitudes is the perfect mix.
"Everyone is so talented, but we have very different personalities," King said. "We have such respect for each other and it shows."
The members of Canvas have not only formed musical partnerships, they have formed sincere friendships. Three out of the four members of Canvas spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas together in 2004. Mandrake drove to San Antonio to attend King's grandfather's funeral in May. The bonds of Canvas members go far beyond the studio and stage, and like King said, it is seen in their music.
"The music that we've written explains how we have evolved as a group and as individuals," Mandrake said.
In the past year, fans and members believe that Canvas has progressed significantly. In the spring, Canvas will release their third full album titled "Painting the Roses".
Charles Ferraro will be promoting the new album for Canvas. Ferraro has been working on the commercial side of the Austin music business for ten years. Ferraro said that the new album will attract a broader spectrum of people, moving Canvas forward commercially as well as artistically. Something, however, that enthralls Ferraro is the passion of Canvas and the hard work of King.
"He [King] hustles 24/7," Ferraro said. "This is why he will eventually achieve his greater goals."
For King this album is the zenith of his career. But for now, all he and the members of Canvas can do is wait and see what happens.
"We love what we do," said King, "Whatever the end is…who knows."

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Henna

I am considering getting a full back henna tattoo. One that can be covered for work but extends the length of my back.

I am thinking Tree of Life



or Interwoven Vines

of which I can not find a good picture.

Not Yoko Ono

I am an arrogant little butterfly with every color provided by makeup slapped half-hazzardly across my face. I buy enough product to moisturize the desert. I am hoping that one day, trees will actually spring forth from my skin from all the moisture I give it. I remember hearing a comic that procalimed women were from another planet, only here to suck all of the moisture out of the world. It was funny, but blatantly true.

I had a stange dream last night, that found me in a music studio, in a "Yoko Ono" type situation. It was odd, and all I really remember of it, is standing up and screaming, "I don't want to be Yoko Ono. No girl wants to be Yoko Ono." You can feel free to figure that one out.

Before I leave for the job, I have nothing to do. I have read more books in the last 6 months, than most people read in thier life. I recommend Shadow of the Wind and Broken for You. I do have my sister's baby shower to attend on the 9th. I still can't wrap my head around my rowdy sister being a mom, but that belly of hers, forces me to realize that there is a baby in there, and it's going to be coming out. A nice little niece named Alexis who will be called Lexi. What a pornstar name that is!


I leave the day after the baby shower, go to Lubbock, than Dallas, and from there, I travel non-stop until at least July. My god, I can't wait to begin. I have sucked all of the moisture out of San Angelo and it's time to search other fountains.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Signs of Spring



The signs of spring are all around me and I can't believe I've gone from the girl who loves the winter greylight to the woman who relishes the warmth of spring.

I like to sit outside in the sun driven daylight, with my barefeet poking out from underneath my skirts, while the sun slightly warms my shoulders and gives me the look of a farmer in his wifebeater. I like to go to the park and remember the joy of swinging. Spring is a time of rebirth, and I feel that in my own arduos path, I now have a kinship with this season that was lacking before.

Plus it means new sandals and open toe high heels, and who can complain about that.

Come summer, I will be lamenting the heat, the humidity, and cursing the sun as a long past welcome visitor in my house, but for now, the sun is welcome to eat crackers in the bed any day.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Where to begin...

Would be in the beginning, but we don't have all day here, folks. So I will begin somewhere approximately around the now.

For the first time in a long time I am truly happy with myself. If you are looking for an emotastic blog, full of suffering and angst, I am afraid you will have to move on. I am a simple sort, but not simple of the mind. I have spent years of my life wallowing around in the pain and agany of my own creations, and I woke up one day, and told myself that I could continue being a sort of character, a caricature of myself, a cartoon like figure of Betty Boop proportions, swilling wine and smoking cigarettes with tears hesitant at the edge of my eye while all along sporting a cynical grin and a been there done that attitude, or I could find out what this life is really about and what I am really all about.

I am all about me.

Not to be incredibly vain, although you will find, I do have a leaning towards the narcissistic, also a leaning towards the neurotic, but we will get to all of that later. In saying that I am all about me, I mean that I am secure in my knowledge of my self and the world, while never being arrogant enough to think that I know it all. I like simple pleasures. A piece of cheesecake and a smoke will keep smiling for days. I like bad reality television and movies that make me cry. I also like being the center of attention and I really like alchol. In all honesty, I am most likely an alcoholic. But I still drink, because rock bottom came and went and it didn't kill me, but I am learning the word moderation. I am not perfect, but I am good. I have a good heart. I love my friends so hard that sometimes I lose them. I have not yet had the love of my life, but that is probably because I have been too busy sleeping with the wrong boys to find the right one.

I look foward to starting my new job. I look foward to travelling down broken highways with me. I enjoy my own company these days.

And that's now. I have left my past on old journals. Old names and faces that have come and gone, trailed finger tips across my brow, and left me for better or for worse.

But this place will be about me.

Well, Here I am

Blogging, journaling, posting.

I can do it anywhere. I have myspace but never feel like loggin on. I have live journal but it feels dated and overused to the point that to anything there, means that I am speaking to certain people. It means that I am editing my thoughts, deleting the names of the guilty, not writing truthfully. My internal editor feels those eyes and says (in that delicatly blaring voice of hers) THEY will read this. THEY will question you, even if it is only in their own minds. THEY will know the TRUTH. And I can't surpass that buzzing in my ears and my fingers follow suit and blaze out entries of generalities.

And so.

Here I am.

I guarantee you nothing. I have opinions. Whether or not I share them is yet to be seen.