updated

Sometimes I feel as if my life is one big mystery, a riddle, if you will, where everyday I wake up and receive one more clue and anyday now, I feel as if, I might actually figure the whole damn thing out. And then a clue arrives, a phone call, a letter, a tap on the back of the shoulder and suddenly nothing makes any sense and all the accounts and all the balances shift into a hazy redemption of my past.

Redemption. What a word that is. What a lofty idea of great heights and nostalgia and forgiveness, expecially when one gives it to ones self.

After New York, I went back to work and then I went to Austin to play with all the beautiful babies, and for a minute I glimpsed the road that I had traveled and was pleased to see all my detours and early exits and crashes and wrecks, were all for something, and that even if I look back on that life as crazy (and it was) it still seems beautiful if only for the connections and love I created along the way.

For every person I know and have met and loved and sometimes hated, I am me because of them.

My soul sista D, came through the Lubbock realm last week, and as we cavorted and laughed and talked and hugged, I realized that even now, so much of who we are is ingrained in one another. And as she takes off for new life and love, I love her even more for all the things she will do for herself. I respect her for that and become once again, ever so inspired by her. She makes me want to live. And I don't just mean wake up and trudge through the days, but to explore an d discover and live and love. Yes, I know it's cheezy but this is my life and I like the smell of cheddar in the morning.

As for the news about the canvi....I have known for awhile now and while it makes me sad, I am so happy for my friends. This will be a time for them to challenge themselves, to find out who they are, who they can be, and what it means to live life as inspirational and positive. I found out about this in New York and maybe being there and seeing Joseph in that environment and seeing how truly right it all seems, made it easier for me. And after long talks with J and Brad, I know that this will not be the end forever. But still, I listen to my cds and smile at all the times we've shared.

I also talked to JG the other night and it was so great just to hear his voice. He makes me feel good about the person I am, and it's always nice to have a friend like that, when you're all alone on the road, sitting in a hotel room...it's such a connection back to a time in my life. I didn't feel so lonely after we hung up the phone.

So that's it for now. Going back to work, after a visit to my mom's. She has started new treatments and this time the doctors are very positive about recovery. And I get to see my niece who is so fat that she looks like a butterball turkey with blue eyes.

Much love to all who still read.
Les

updates and such

Man. What a crazy fucking month I have had. In addition to the normal craziness of me and my life, add in a trip to Colorado, a trip to New York, and a trippy little car wreck that could have left me for dead, but only left me with bruises and appreciation for this life I once tried to throw away.

Colorado began like all things do, with a phone call and a I miss you. So I hopped a greyhound (like I swore I would never do again), slept for 10 hours and woke up in the mountains. Glorious beautiful mountains and glorious beautiful Aimee' there to greet me. A cup of coffee, a hike through the mountains, a bbq and much needed time with my best friend. We partied for days and then took a plane, NYC bound. Wandered the streets, danced with the freaks, sang a pretty song, and bought some pretty shoes. Time of my life, I wish we could have stayed longer.

There's too much to write, too much to think about.

Just know, I'm happy to be alive. I miss my friends. I miss you.